Louise's Breastfeeding Story: Navigating Nipple Shields
“Results are back”, he exclaimed, standing in the centre of the hospital door frame and glancing over at us. I was so pleased to hear those words, maybe we would finally have answers, or we would be taking our baby boy home. Either way, I was glad to hear he had the results.
"There is a significant amount of blood in your breastmilk sample", he continued.
My breastfeeding journey didn’t start the way I expected it would. There was no planned breast crawl, no first latch post-delivery or extended skin-to-skin time. I didn’t feed my son directly from my breast for the first 24 hours of his life. Nothing was as I imagined.
In the early hours of one July morning, my son entered the world. Despite a calm birthing experience, he was born hysterical. Midwives and doctors were coming in to check on him and couldn’t work out what was wrong. He was bundled up, and we were taken down to the ward. When the midwife came around, he was still not eating, so she showed me how to colostrum feed using a syringe (the lactation consultant was not happy about this). Moments later, he was whisked away to special care due to his breathing.
I watched him lay in the oxygen tank as I processed the good news of him being allowed to leave (24 hours later) as long as he fed well.
The midwife handed him to me, and I held him close. Latch was difficult again, but he was more interested this time.
It hurt, but he was feeding, so I pushed through.
That night, my partner found himself diving across the hospital bed and ringing the emergency alarm to call for a midwife. Our precious boy had spent 24 hours in special care and was finally back in our room for the first night. Naturally, we were anxious but pleased to have him close to us. All was going well until he suddenly vomited, and we noticed blood on our sheets and clothing.
I knew breastfeeding was challenging, but I hadn’t noticed the extent of the nipple damage. It wasn’t until I heard the paediatrician share those results that I realised how much I had pushed through to have him with me. Luckily, this was the final test, and answers meant we had the all-clear to go home. I felt rest assured that I would settle into feeding properly once home and relaxed.
The midwife arrived at my home the next day and took one look at me before exclaiming:
"I think it's time to consider nipple shields".
My heart dropped. For reasons unknown, nipple shields were a negative thing in my mind, and I felt like I had failed. I remember thinking that I would be unable to feed as a result. I was devastated, I was sure this would be a short-lived feeding journey, and my heart longed for it to be different, but I knew she was right.
Fast forward to today, I sit in bed writing this blog after putting my 22-month-old to sleep. He breastfed before bed, as he does every night and as he has done for 22 months. We’re still on our feeding journey (mixed feeds) all these months later, but it wasn’t an easy path.
I stayed on nipple shields for the first 3months of his life and wouldn’t have been able to continue feeding without them. At the time, They were a godsend but came with anxieties and difficulties that other shields-using mums may understand.
Looking back, I can see how anxious feeding made me, especially if we needed to go out in public. I was envious of those mothers you see effortlessly feeding without discreetly trying to get on a shield.
At around 3months, I saw a lactation consultant during a playgroup visit to ensure everything was going smoothly, and she guided me to relax, take a breath, sit back in my chair and drop my shoulders. The anxiety around feeding was almost engrained into my nature; I had to consciously take a moment to calm myself before each feed.
It took a little getting used to, but we got there. With each feed, we were both becoming more and more comfortable, figuring it out together.
If I could go back in time, I would sit beside my past self and let her know she is not alone. That using a shield isn’t failing in any shape or form. That many women face difficulties feeding, and it’s not their fault. It is valid and ok to grieve the journey you thought you would have. It will be ok, whatever path this feeding journey takes. I would tell her she is doing great and remind her to take a breath.
Disclaimer: Sukoo Story aims to share various stories from many women’s journeys. We encourage you to take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. We will always strive to focus on diversity within our stories so that every woman feels represented. We hope that by sharing stories, you can be inspired and discover that you are never alone. We invite you to join us as we celebrate and acknowledge our similarities and differences in motherhood/parenthood.
If you are currently struggling on your breastfeeding journey and would like more support, we encourage you to use the following links below.
Australian Breastfeeding Association
Community recommendations:
Adelaide Lactation
Milky Business Lactation
Australian Breastfeeding Podcast
Birth with Beth
